I wonder

Spencer has been having a really rough time this month as far as sensory things go. Even though he has the injuries that he has, it's easy to forget about them at times, and think of him as a normal 10 year old boy. But this morning, as a lot of mornings recently have gone, I'm reminded so clearly that he is not. He thank goodness has stopped fighting about his new shoes. It only took a week this time...they are a little bigger then I would prefer, but at least they aren't a size and half bigger like he wanted. I think last time, it was over a month before he finally stopped....which I predict will happen again this fall. Wish I could just keep him in tennis shoes all summer, would that prevent that battle from occurring? We are on week 2 of battles with the socks. Sigh. SOCKS!!! Who knew that these little buggers  along with clothes would become my enemy every darn morning? He thankfully didn't fight me about wearing shorts this morning, but he did try to sneak out of the house without wearing socks.  He cries every morning because they "don't feel" right.  How to you argue with or justify to a child that they are just fine?  With his shoe size he's right in the middle of them, so I know they fit just fine. The problem is he likes to wear them (if you aren't paying attention) till he stretches them out sloppy big and then to him the "feel right". Sigh. To a parent that has never had a child with sensory issues or a brain trauma...I can see you all. Just tell him to "suck it up", deal with and etc.  Trust me there have been times, we've done that, but it's more then that, trying thinking of something you absolutely hate to do or wear because the sound bothers you, the taste is disgusts you/makes you gag, the clothes bother you because of the texture and etc.  Everyone has something in 1 of the 5 senses that bothers the hec out of them. They avoid it like a plague.  NOW  - take that feeling and apply it across the board in all 5 senses.  You know have an small idea what my son and every other child with sensory issues goes thru. And even though we learn to avoid those things, sometimes we can't, but we are able to work thru it. These children are not able to. Hence the daily battles. I just pray that we can find a happy medium. As I spend time with my Uncle Greg, or listen to what's going on with him...I wonder if this is where my son will be?

And I wonder if it will every get any easier for us as a family, and for him as a person to deal with his injuries.  We've had a lot of stress at our house this past month, due to various circumstances, some of them have been within our control and others are annoyingly not within our control. Some of them have taken the focus off my children for brief periods of time, and I think Spencer has been picking up on those things as well, maybe that's why things have gotten worse lately with his behavior and with his sensory issues. Or at least a contributing factor. This summer will be very interesting for the older two, hopefully the various activities that I have planned will help some what, and I have to honestly now consider the possibility of eventually having to homeschool at least Spencer.

He's coming to that age where he realizes that he is different, and knows that there really isn't anything that he can do to change it.  And that hurts so much, as his mother. I would love for my little boy to stay in the world where he doesn't notice his differences, and he doesn't realize that others are not like that...but it's not the case anymore, and last night, he wanted to know what he did wrong to be this way. It broke my heart, I tried to explain he didn't do anything wrong. After our conversation, all I could do when I went to bed last night, is cry for my son.  He's being picked on at school, and will not tell me by whom.  How can I protect my son from this hurt along with the other hurts in life?  As a mother, my protective instincts come out big time, how could they not?  But I know that as he gets older, I must let him deal with these, and be there in the wings for him.

God Bless...